Is it Love?

Love is one of the lifetime pinnacles the majority of mankind strives to attain; it is the reason for many of our behaviors and mannerism and is typically viewed as one of, if not, the purest emotion one can have. But what happens when love becomes uncontrollable? What happens when love is no longer a premium emotion you express to another in total exclusivity? There is a danger to love, whether physical or emotional, that can be harmful when trying to build or sustain relationships when it cannot be kept under the subjection of the expresser.  Uncontrollable love not only distorts any sincere connection held with another, but also presents a challenge for individuals seeking to commit to one person exclusively. In a time where hook up culture and emotional impulsivity is glamorized, primarily in the media, millennials need to be careful as they are the ones most susceptible to the snares of this problem. It is important to be aware of this issue as it will help individuals be careful of their perceived infatuation and reevaluate their feelings before they are lead to impulsive action that harm themselves and any potential relationship.

Anger Issues

All of us go through life dealing with situations that are felt by some kind of emotion. While there are some emotions that have clearly defined extremities such as the positive (happiness) or the negative (sadness), many are also left to deal with complicated emotions such as anger. The Encyclopedia of Psychology attempts to define Anger as, “an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong” (American Psychological Association). However, this emotion in itself that has so many different levels and is mixed with many other emotions put together, is best defined when it is expressed externally by a person and has its effect on the people around them.

Anger can be positive when it motivates an individual to express their views and fight for something they truly believe in and/or passionate about and also paves way for creating solutions to different problems. However, the most common form of anger is one that is viewed negatively and causes detrimental effects to one’s health as well one’s social relationships.

The harmful effects of anger may vary depending on which part of the anger spectrum a person is. Some may just be angry and upset while some become angry and aggressive, but for someone who is constantly angry, life is an ongoing battlefield. One of the most common outcomes of anger is the tension that is created between individuals. One’s bad temper creates the need to point fingers at others and find fault, thereby building up a wall of resentment among individuals, making it hard for them to continue a healthy relationship. Individuals with a continuous feeling of anger will also find it hard to make friends with people easily because of their critical nature. Their constant negative attitude towards others coupled with feelings of distrust, create for them a distance from social interaction, that is a vital part of healthy living. One’s bad temper also leads to a continuous feeling of frustration that affects one’s communication between one another because of their need to lash out on others, especially if they have had a continuous build up of anger over time that results in expressing that anger in a unhealthy manner. Anger can also create fear and distrust among individuals because of the inability to have a rational conversation with one another. Those who are unable to communicate with people having raging anger issues would avoid coming to them for counsel or even to confide in them because of not being able to have a pleasant interactive experience, especially among loved ones.

Each of these problems existing for those with anger issues, end up developing a form of anti-social behavior that drives them to cause harm to others. Speaking of the social costs of anger, Harry Mills states that hostile people are likely to be depressed and are more likely to be verbally/physically abusive towards others (mentalhelp.net). While this issue has been the basis for many forms of domestic violence, it also coincides with one of the biggest problems society faces today which are the high numbers of school shootings by angry youth. An article of HuffPost records that, “According to a 2015 study published in a journal Behavioral Sciences and the Law, nearly 1 in 10 adults have a history of impulsive anger, including angry outbursts, breaking and smashing things, losing one’s temper and getting into physical fights” and it is recorded that almost all shooters were associated with a history of anger and anti-social behavior (Schumaker, 2018). It can therefore be seen that the emotion of anger not only has its effects in small intimate interpersonal interactions but in larger social settings as well and is cause for concern in dealing with it in the right manner in order to establish healthy and sustainable interpersonal communication.

Pride & Problems

Pride in relationships is a problem because its where effective communication goes to die. Miscommunication, a heated tone, a sarcastic comment, or a dismissive hand gesture are all points of friction in communication between people that require clarification. Miscommunication requires you to ask more questions, a heated tone requires you to perhaps be understanding and ask why he/she might be angry, a sarcastic comment might’ve been meant as a harmless joke, and a dismissive hand gesture could be frustration on the other persons part rather than outright dismissiveness. To the overly prideful person none of these options would present themselves as an effective solution to these points of friction. Miscommunication? Well, it was the other persons job to listen not mine. Heated tone? I can scream louder! Sarcastic comment? I can be way more sarcastic. Dismissive hand gesture? I have my own offense hand gesture! Pride provides solutions to communication problems even if they are not exactly the correct ones, which makes it all the more destructive. Once a person make a habit of allowing pride to shut down any criticism or lapse in communication it becomes a habit that’s hard to break. And that’s why it persists in societies. Pride gives a quick and assertive method of solving a problem, there’s no need to delve into a subject and really understand it when your pride wont let you. It exists at all levels of society, from the haggard working class, to CEO’s, to those occupying the executive branch, pride is universal.